Ejaculation control is an ancient Taoist and tantric practice, which is referred to preservation of the seed and the vital force, what is known as the chi or prana

When you have control over your ejaculation you have the choice of when you want to ejaculate as opposed to ejaculating compulsively, which is the case for most men in this world.

Once you have mastered your ejaculation, you may make love for as long as you like and you may choose whether you want to ejaculate in the end or not. If you do choose to ejaculate because your intuition tells you so, you can make a little ritual out of it.

One tablespoon of semen is incredibly powerful stuff. In addition to sperm cells, seminal fluid contains immense amounts of protein, vitamins, minerals and amino acids as well as vital energies.

In ancient Chinese medicine, semen was viewed as life-force energy.

Semen contained in a man’s body represents tremendous individual potential and creative power. It should be viewed as a type of liquid gold, and treated as sacred.

It is believed that every time a man ejaculates, he drains his vital power. Therefore, if a man ejaculates too frequently he suffers detrimental effects to his health. This becomes especially apparent after the 40s. The effects may include a lack of vitality, and even impotence.

The vast majority of men will admit that after an ejaculation they feel depleted, low in energy, disconnected and/or withdrawn.

Containment of semen will empower a man because the vital substance nourishes his intelligence and creativity. He becomes more centered and a master of himself.

A healthy adult male can release between 40 million and 1.2 billion sperm cells in a single ejaculation. Each sperm cell is a seed of Life. In Tantra, we view Life as something that is incredibly sacred. So when a man chooses to cultivate his sexual energy and not spill his seed, he makes the choice to contain the sacredness of Life.

Besides health benefits, which Taoism teaches us about, there are also numerous other benefits of ejaculatory control, such as:
– prolonging the duration of lovemaking,
– cultivating greater desire and connectedness with your partner,
– elimination of a refractory period (loss of energy after ejaculation), so you can make love again and again at any time,
– the ability to experience and cultivate deeper full-body orgasms,
– facilitating deep orgasms for your female partner (women need anywhere between 20 to 40 minutes of lovemaking before they can actually drop into very deep orgasmic states),
– greater health and vitality,
– increased power in all areas of your life,
– helping shift the mentality of goal-oriented sex.

Ejaculation mastery takes a lot of will, dedication and patience. Men who are mastering ejaculation are not only rewriting deeply-rooted neurological patterns, but also changing the frequency at which their energy vibrates, making it more and more refined. You can imagine that this alone has a huge effect on the entire life of a man, including his business, relationships and all other areas of his life.
It may surprise you, but women play a very big role in men’s desire to ejaculate.
The desire to get a man to ejaculate is very strong because of nature’s programming. It’s the way we have been programmed so we can survive as a species.

What makes a man ejaculate is the pull of Shakti. This pull comes from nature itself. It comes from the never-ending desire of Life for Life.

This is something that needs to be recognized. Once it is — it is easier to separate yourself from it.

As long as ejaculation happens automatically, you are being entirely controlled by nature. Each man is biologically programmed: nature wants him to impregnate as many females as possible, so that Life can go on!

When you follow the agenda of nature, you don’t fully own a big part of your consciousness — your will. On our path to awakening, we are always aiming to overcome what is mechanical and automatic in our nature and replace it by an act of will.

When men first hear about ejaculation control some have this question: “Do you mean I am not supposed to orgasm?”

The answer is no, it doesn’t mean that.

Once I was with a lover who told me from the start: “I love sex and I think I’m pretty good at it, but I want you to guide me so we can do it the tantric way.”
We were making love and it was exquisite, and after quite a long time he asked me: “Can I cum now?”
I said: “Yes, but do not ejaculate”.
He asked: “Are you sure it’s possible?”
“Yes,” I said, “100% sure.”
He seemed surprised for a second, but then something amazing happened. He had an orgasm! And he did not ejaculate.
So all it took for him was being in the highly-aroused state and me telling him that he could separate orgasm and ejaculation. He trusted me and let the experience unfold.

The flow of semen only contributes to orgasm but does not create it.

How to master ejaculation? 

There are numerous yogic techniques that can help and I won’t go into detail here, but here are five main keys to ejaculation mastery:

  • Understanding the scale of pleasure
  • Breath
  • Relaxation and “dropping” into your pelvis and your genitals
  • Sublimation
  • Practice

1. Understand where you are on the scale of pleasure:
0 – non-arousal
10 – full-blown orgasm

As you build pleasure when self-pleasuring or during intercourse, be very conscious of what number you are on the arousal scale. When you get to six or seven out of ten — don’t start thinking about your grandmother, but pause, breathe deeply and be still. You are close to the edge, but you are not going to tip over it. Then find a way to stay on this level. Pause as often as you need, you may even pull out and do some exercises (literally, do push-ups, jump up and down a few times) — this will help you move the energy. 
 
A supportive partner is gold!
 
With practice your edge will extend, and you will notice that you can stay at seven and a half and even eight for prolonged periods of time. 
 
2. When approaching orgasm the breath naturally becomes very fast and shallow. This is exactly the opposite of what you need to do. Breathe deeply and steadily — especially when you are at seven. Take three deep breaths, inhale for four counts and exhale for four counts.
 
3. I am a big advocate of the importance of relaxing into and owning our genitals.
Social conditioning and shame are the reasons for our major disconnect from our genitals, and therefore — our power.
 
Men accumulate stress and tension in their genitals, and put themselves under incredible performance pressure. There may be fear of not being good enough, fear of coming too soon, trying to be the best lover for his woman. All this causes habitual tension in the pelvic floor. All those fears originate in one place: a goal-oriented mentality. It is as if we have an image in our minds about what “good sex” means. This places an incredible amount of pressure on people because if we are fixed on achieving that goal of “good sex” and we if think that we don’t measure up, we tense up.

Plus, working toward building to a climax literally prevents us from the fullness of the experience, from being rooted in the present moment, and offering that presence to our partner.

It takes a lot of de-conditioning. Often our desire to have an orgasm is why most of us want sex. But this is an invitation to let go of any kind of goal. If you want to experience what the true potential of sex is, dare to shift your attitude.

It is also tricky because what we inherit from society is that simply relaxing into the space of being and non-doing, we judge as laziness or lack of ambition. Goal-oriented culture does not approve of that. As I said before — modern life is the killer of pleasure. We really need to put our will into reclaiming our birthright, which are those full orgasms.

Learn to give space to your genitals. Bring your awareness into your genitals and feel the gravity of the Earth. Relax your entire body. Your penis and your testicles have to become the place of anchoring, the place where you can tune in any time and feel planted and grounded in your power. You also need to give yourself the permission to feel the pleasure that comes together with that relaxation.

A simple practice to try: from time to time throughout the day scan your body and consciously relax any places of tension.

To master ejaculation the best thing a man can do is slow down, or even stop, relax back into his body and take several deep breaths. This will take the focus off increasing the excitement and help to bring more attention to the body in the present moment. 
 
Drop the goal. As soon as the goal of sex is dropped, relaxation into the present follows naturally.
 
4. Sublimation is a tantric term and “Upward Draw” is a Taoist term, the techniques are slightly different, but basically what both are doing is they are moving your energy from heavier energetic centers to lighter energetic centers, that is from the lower chakras to the higher chakras.
 
As you bring your attention to your genitals and as you approach the point of no return — slow down, breathe and visualize that the energy is moving from your pelvis upwards to your heart and all the way to the top of the head.
 
Normally, when we come into a peak state of arousal, the seed moves out horizontally, to procreate. The yogic, tantric and Taoist view shows us that there is a way to redirect the energy vertically up the spine.

5. To master ejaculation you need to practice, both by practicing self-pleasuring (preferably, daily) and by having tantric sex.
Just like lovemaking, tantric self-pleasure looks very different to “jerking off”. The main difference is that you don’t have a goal. No goal of arriving to a peak experience. You are self-pleasuring for the sake of enjoying your own beauty and eroticism.

So, coming back to the question: “To cum or not to cum?” the answer is “it is up to you”. But if you do choose to cum, better be aware of what you are doing and make it a choice rather than a default.

Another important disclaimer is this: don’t make an agenda out of non-ejaculation. Any woman who has been with men that are dead solid about never ever ejaculating will confirm that it is not such a pleasant experience.

Be total in your lovemaking, move from spaciousness and totality, be present with the energy between the two of you, ride the waves of pleasure, offer your love and passion to your beloved. And if ejaculation happens as part of your deep merging, enjoy and celebrate it.

Just don’t go into the default mode of coming, disconnecting, turning on your side and falling asleep.

 

Art by @alphachanneling

 

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