We all get jealous.
That’s just part of being a human, and it is a very important part of it!
This might surprise you, but actually jealousy is important because it ensures that we survive as a species. Watch my video where I explain this in detail.
Key #1: Jealousy is one of our brain’s natural responses.
I used to get so jealous, I would turn white and stop breathing.
And I was embarrassed by it.
I thought I was the most jealous woman on the planet.
I would do anything to hide it. I thought that if I showed this to a guy, he would just dump me.
I thought it made me really unattractive.
So, trust me, I know jealousy from inside out.
However, now I also know how to play with it, turn it into something juicy and something that can even turn me on!
I remember the first time my jealous nature was revealed…
I was having dinner with my ex in a cafe in Thailand, and this gorgeous tall girl showed up. She looked like a model. She approached us and started speaking to my man. They were flirting. He was holding her hand… And I was there, frozen, incapable of breathing, trying to figure out a way to disappear into the ground together with the chair I was sitting on, and be gone, swallowed up, extinct… although I was trying to smile and keep my cool.
Then she left. My ex, being pretty psychic… looked at me and went: “Hey girl, what’s the matter with you, where are you?” I said: “Who? Me? I’m cool!”
But the dude would not let go. He kept pressing until I broke into tears, confessing all my jealous shameful “sins” to him.
It was a ceremony! I felt like I was dying… Revealing ALL THAT…
It got late and he left.
And I thought: “That’s it. I won’t see him again”.
But what happened next blew my mind. I could not have imagined it in my wildest dreams: the guy fell madly in love with me, right after that episode!
What!? I revealed my darkest darkness to him, and instead of running away he falls in love???
I realized the key factor: Vulnerability.
In revealing something that I had kept secret for many years, I revealed myself and he was touched by my vulnerability.
Key #2: Jealousy, like any other emotion, when exposed creates a deeper connection.
Because exposing our emotions and sharing them openly makes us vulnerable, yet very-very beautiful,
I share another story about jealousy in the video.
Key #3: When you own it, jealousy is entirely under your control.
After the initial 30 second reaction (watch the video to understand this), you are ENTIRELY in control.
If you have a lot of insecurities and little love for yourself it will be harder.
And yet, it is something you can work with. Jealousy provides an awesome opportunity.
So when you are in it, zoom out a little and observe: where is your focus?
In my Thailand story – I was entirely absorbed into their conversation, into how she looked, trying to feel what he felt…
But instead, I could have focused on… ME!
On my fun, my pleasure, my joy.
And that would have changed my inner state in an instant, and that would be me taking ownership of my jealousy.
Key #4: Let your jealousy turn you on.
This one is not for everyone. It might trigger some people negatively. Bu it will be a perfect fit for others. It does take a lot of self-confidence.
So, here is the secret: you can totally have fun with jealousy.
Instead of thinking that jealousy is something that you have to be ashamed of and hide, you can share it, and you are very likely to discover that the thing that makes you jealous… also excites you! And you can even use it to add a little spice to your relationship.
I know I am risking losing some people here, but I suggest that you dare to stretch your limits a little.
What if when you feel jealous, you go ahead and ask your partner: “She’s got some nice ass, right?” “He is hot, yeah?” And from there… you could take it anywhere. Feel into what attracts your partner to that other person, feel the juiciness of it. You can share fantasies, give your partner space to share his/her fantasy. Allow yourself to enjoy the pleasure of your partner and even get turned on by it. You can take it to your bedroom, speak about the fantasy as you are making love. And then… you are likely to find yourself completely free from jealousy, and very likely – from the fantasy as well.
Remember: a fantasy can stay a fantasy forever, you don’t need to act on it. Unless you decide otherwise. It really depends on the agreement that you have in your relationship.
I find that a big component to jealousy is the feeling of being left out. It is as if your partner becomes attracted to someone else and you feel there is no space for you in that part of your partner’s world… And it doesn’t have to be that way.
I know some people might say: “But what if by accepting that my partner is attracted to somebody else I will be “feeding” his/her fantasy and encouraging him/her to get carried away with it?”
In my experience it actually works the other way around.
The less we hide, the less we feed the idea of taboo and the more openness and trust there is.
In such an environment there is really no reason to hide and cheat.
No matter how beautiful your relationship is, and how loving your partner is, they will inevitably be attracted to someone else from time to time. It is absolutely impossible to spend years together and not be attracted to other people. It is part of our human nature. So why hide from it? It’s not a big deal, really.
Again, you don’t have to act on it.
But it is very healthy to acknowledge it.
So, now you are equipped with 4 keys to jealousy. Let me know about your relationship with jealousy, and how you work with it.
Have you applie any of these keys already?
Or are you inspired to start seeing jealousy in this new light?
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