“You suggest I put my finger where?!”
Now, this is a big taboo area. Anal penetration with either fingers, dildos or cock is not something we speak about every day. (Well sometimes I do, but it’s not the reality for most, right?!)
And we sure do have lots of reservations even upon hearing the word “anus”.
So let’s dive right in!
Ever heard of the term: “anal retentive personality”?
Sometimes we think that we need to do this and that in order to be this way or that way… I’d say, what if we start by relaxing the anus first?
And see what happens after that!
If you were to bring your awareness to your anus now, you would most probably notice that it is tight, firmly clenched.
So we can take baby steps. Next time you are taking a shower, put some soap on your finger and gently insert it in your anus. The Taoist would also encourage us to do rotations – 9 clockwise, and 9 counter-clockwise.
Do this every day. After that wash your finger thoroughly. And that’s it. Not too big of a deal, right!?
You’ll be surprised at how deep the effects of this simple and (fairly) innocent practice go, over time.
But it is a great way for you to learn how much tension you are actually holding in your anus, and do a great thing for your health too – this is the best thing you can do to prevent hemorrhoids. Olive or coconut oil will work even better than soap.
And it should be one of the tools in your erotic toolbox. Because anal play is also an incredibly juicy thing that can add lots of spice to your sex life.
Some women reach the most profound orgasms through anal stimulation (read play or sex) , in some cases even more deep that what they can reach though vaginal penetration. Same with men.
It is not something that is openly accepted in our homophobic culture, but you’d be surprised to know that the male G-spot is the prostate gland—located exactly in the ass.
It is incredibly powerful for a man to experience what it is like to be penetrated. To let go to a degree that most men never have the chance to let go in life, to surrender to a very deep pleasure, to let go into something that seems so edgy to the mind…
You learn how to open up in all areas of your life, how to relax and surrender. And fall into the unknown.
Actually anal stimulation or sex is highly recommended for people who have a strong tendency for control and for people who tend to feel heavy and tired.
Normally anal sex is an incredibly powerful experience because it takes a lot of vulnerability to do it. And the anal orgasm is a very unique sensation, incredibly powerful! For women it may come together with clitoral orgasm.
To sum it up: Anal play is transformative and it will give you an experience of a larger degree of freedom, as you get a flavor of releasing control.
Hopefully you’ve got the *why* by now.
Are you ready to move to the *how*?
First of all, not having a partner is not an excuse. In the same way that being ecstatic and orgasmic does not require a partner. We need to learn to own our pleasure.
So by all means go for it by yourself.
If you have a beloved or a dear friend with whom you would like to practice this – that’s great too. And it will take your intimacy to a whole new level.
First of all, have a lot of oil. You could choose a natural lubricant, but I particularly love coconut oil for its texture, plus its antibacterial and antifungal properties.
A full body massage makes a great preparation. Especially focusing on massaging out any tension in the lower back, hips and bum. Really spend time on those areas, like a good 10 minutes just on the bum. Give lots of attention to the sacrum – the triangular bone that you can feel just above the top of the bum crack. It’s great to offer lots of conscious touch to the sacrum. It can be highly orgasmic too!
It is a great idea to not only massage the whole body of your beloved, but also focus on their genitals.
When you feel it is time to approach the anus, by all means, go slow. The anus consists of two circular groups of muscles which create two rings: the external sphincter and the internal sphincter. The outer sphincter is voluntary, and the inner is involuntary. Meaning that you can totally control the first ring (outer sphincter) and it is a matter of deep relaxation and surrender. The second ring (the inner sphincter) may take a little longer to relax, and here you just have to be patient.
Before actual penetration you need to make sure that the partner is deeply relaxed. Best to actually move into anal stimulation after a good session of either yoni or lingam massage or even actual penetrative sex. The more pleasure they feel, the easier the process of de-armoring their anus will be.
When your partner is ready, gently approach the anus. Make sure to use a lot of oil or lubricant. And very importantly – take time. Anal massage will liberate a lot of stuck energy and can even trigger anal orgasms, which cannot really be compared to anything else…
How to massage the anus?
I will say this again: very slowly and with a lot of lubrication. Unlike the vagina, the anus does not produce any lubrication, so there is really no way to overdo it here.
- As you are sliding in with one finger (either index or middle finger) keep eye contact with your partner if possible and only proceed with penetration when you feel she/he is open to it.
- At times it is good to pause and hold a spot in stillness.
- Make tiny circles with your fingertip on the walls of the anus.
- Continuously encourage your partner to breathe deeply – this will help him/her to let go deeper.
- With a lot of presence slide up and down along the frontal wall of the anus (frontal is the one that’s closer to the belly button, back is the one that’s closer to the coccyx).
- With a lot of presence slide up and down along the back wall of the anus.
- Communication is key. As recipient it is very important that you actually share what you are experiencing, feel free to ask for more of this or less of that. If you feel pain or pleasure – communicate it. Ask to pause if it gets too intense. Ask to speed up if that’s what you are feeling.
- Be even more careful when you are removing the finger – do it suuuuper slowly and only through relaxation.
- Very Important! Make sure to never touch the yoni of the woman with the same finger that you used for the anal play – the bacteria may cause a urinary tract infection, and this is a very unpleasant thing to deal with.
Where is the prostate?
The prostate is a gland which is said to be the male version of the G-spot.
It is a walnut-sized gland located between the bladder and the penis. The prostate is just in front of the rectum. It is located on the frontal wall of the anus (the side of the penis), about 3.5 – 4 inches (8-10 cm) away – it feels like a little nickel. (See image on the right).
Stimulation of the prostate can create incredible orgasms for men. It is called “prostate milking”, and you can do it either by yourself or receive it from your partner.
How to massage the prostate?
Tap it, stroke it forward and back, or side to side, caress it in a clockwise or counterclockwise fashion.
Keep reminding your partner to breathe into the sensation.
Anal massage can lead to anal sex or not. Here it is very important to let go of all goals and be very present.
The best position for anal stimulation
is the one that works for you. Generally, having the recipient lying on his/her back might be a good way to start, because it is a less vulnerable position than being on all fours, for example, and therefore it can help them feel more relaxed.
And in case you think I am going to avoid the elephant in the room, you don’t know me well enough 😃
So what about the shit?
Yes, we generally use the anus to shit. (I literally can see you blushing now, you’re cute).
When you play with somebody’s anus you may encounter shit.
If your inner Queen Victoria cannot stand this thought, it means that anal play would be especially good for you.
Because this inner queen is nothing but an inner puritanical control freak. At the same time, the anus and the lower part of the rectum actually have very little fecal material in them, which means it tends to not be nearly as dirty as you think.
You may see some shit on your finger/dildo or cock. What you do with it is go to the bathroom and wash it off. In case of anal sex, do use a condom. Once you are finished, you simply take off the condom and throw it away.
If you are playing using your fingers you can use latex gloves if that saves the day for you.
You can also play it safe and have the recipient do an enema with water beforehand. Don’t overdo it, it is not very healthy. But there is nothing wrong with doing it occasionally.
So find out your level of comfort with each other and how much you are willing to stretch it. Remember, there is never a reason to push yourself into something you don’t want. Anal play is something that can open you up to incredible pleasure and expand you like no other thing, but you need to be willing to go there. Don’t do it just to please your partner. But if this is something you want to either receive or offer – do share it with your partner, their reaction might surprise you 😃 And have fun with it!
If you made it to this point – thank you for reading and having an open mind. Now your turn, please share:
Do you enjoy anal play? Do you have some tips to share for someone who is just starting?