To make this clear from the start: we all are grownup people, we need to strive to be sovereign and responsible for our own emotional responses.
Yet we all are part of a collective game. This game is not about who wins and who loses, but about how we can succeed as humanity, how we can move to the next level in our evolution… together.
How we show up in sex is relevant to how we show up in life. And when we bring consciousness and presence to our sexuality, it affects our entire life. I am specifically interested in bringing awareness to how the masculine and feminine can come together in the most conscious way, which is empowering not only to the feminine, but to the masculine as well.
There is a growing awareness about the importance of taking time when approaching the Yoni (the vagina). (I have written in detail about it here.)
The Yoni is the seat of the Feminine.
If you reach out to her directly before she is open, she will be tense.
If you take time to activate the woman’s entire body first, to touch the feminine heart… she will open her gate to you, lure you in and take you on a heavenly journey.
When the woman is fully aroused, once her entire body is loved and worshipped, her yoni will open up, she will be fully orgasmic, and she will share the nectar of the depth of her being with her partner. When the entire system is activated, women can access amazing arousal states and discover their deep erotic nature. Then the masculine partner will be able to ride her waves of pleasure and expand into the magnetic field of their union.
But what about pulling out?
Many of us have had the experience of not only being entered prematurely, but also being left prematurely.
This is relevant to intercourse, and other forms of intimacy, as well as to the closing of a relationship/separation, be it with someone you spent only one night with or years together. It all ties in together and the mechanism is pretty much the same. I will post Part 2 of this post tomorrow, where I will go deeper into relationships.
Usually sex ends with the ejaculation of the male partner. He ejaculates, pulls the lingam out of the yoni, rolls on his side and falls asleep.
And the yoni… is left exposed, vulnerable, raw and open. The woman either feels numbed and empty, or silently frustrated.
So what does a conscious pulling out look like?
- Providing time and space to let the closing happen naturally.
If you are an anxious type, I know it may be hard to stay present. But, don’t worry, I guarantee a natural closing will happen. The less you rush it, the sooner it will actually occur.
Here is a very simple practical piece of advice for sex:
Before entering a yoni feel into whether she is open and inviting. If you cannot feel – ask.
Before leaving a yoni feel whether she is ready for you to go. If you cannot feel – ask.
The best way to end the intercourse is to keep the genitals together, let the erection go down naturally, and still stay “plugged in” after the erection is gone. Then you will feel that the lingam naturally slides out of the yoni, or the woman will feel when she is ready to release him and she will gently push him out. This provides such a warm field of connection, nourishment and intimacy.
This of course ties in with the subject of ejaculation mastery. I go into it in detail in this article: Ejaculation mastery: To cum or not to cum?
If the man has ejaculated don’t let that be a reason to disconnect. I recommend that you keep your bodies close and the man covers the Yoni with his hand and holds her like that for a while. Wait until your bodies naturally feel ready to separate.
- Calling her the morning after intimacy/sex.
This simple thing goes a long way. Seriously.
Being with a partner who honors these things provides such a deep sense of care. This care is actually a superpower, so lacking in this world. Sleepy, unconscious parts of us have no idea what care means.
*We can only understand what real care means from parts of our consciousness that are really AWAKE.*
Abrupt disconnection leaves a sense of incompletion and is much more likely to lead to neediness and clinginess.
Mind you, this is not a justification for blaming your partner if you feel needy of their attention. Like I said at the beginning of this article – our emotions and feelings are ours and we are the only ones responsible for them.
Yet, by rising in consciousness and love we create a safer and more loving world together.
If you are experiencing it, be aware of it. Take charge. Initiate honest conversations. If there is no receptivity on the other end – cut the cords and move on.
To end with, here is something I want to make very clear:
This is not about helping heal the wounded Feminine.
The Feminine is not wounded. The Feminine is a fierce and wild force. It is what gave birth to all of us. The Feminine is not about women and their stories. The Feminine is about all of us. It is about how we can LIVE fully in this world. It is about coming back from disconnect and disembodiment to connection and aliveness. In the lack of care, fear to feel, and coldness we are withdrawing from life.
We are withdrawing from what could have awakened us, from what could have brought love to this Earth.
art by @filippaedghill