Normally we get our *highly questionable* sexual information from pornography. And not only does pornography represent only 3% of what is possible in sexuality, but it is based on the masculine type of sexuality.
Now there is nothing wrong with the masculine type of sexuality per se, but when it is cut off from the feminine type of sexuality a big imbalance is created.
The feminine anatomy of arousal is very different from its male counterpart.
Our sexuality includes learnable skills. Our body is an instrument. And when we listen to it, it has a lot to teach us.
The mainstream model of sexuality is based on masculine arousal.
Masculine and feminine sexuality are complementary, yet they differ. What works for most men doesn’t work for women, at least most of the time.
There are many women who think that their libido is very low, but in most cases it is just the result of trying to have sex in a masculine way!
Most of these women are trying to get into penetrative sex before they are fully aroused!
There is shockingly little awareness about this out there.
Generally speaking, the male arousal is a yang type of arousal. And the female arousal is a yin type of arousal.
What does that mean?
It means that in the case of men the sexual energy is like fire, it ignites in the center (the penis) and after that spreads out.
And in the case of women the sexual energy is like water – it is collected from the edges, the limbs, from the heart and flows to the centre (the vagina).
In the case of men their lingam can be touched without much foreplay. It is actually very nice to connect with the lingam first and then continue by spreading the pleasure and activating his chest, belly and limbs.
In the case of women the yin energy proceeds from the edges, gradually moving inward and flowing downward towards the sex center. The yin energy needs to pass through the heart center before it descends lower.
That’s why women find it generally harder to separate sex from love.
Most women need to feel connected and safe before they can open up.
Which is not always the case for men. They can have sex with someone without much of an emotional or heart connection.
Yoni and heart are similar — neither can be forced to open. You can’t force yourself to fall in love, and you can’t open your body by force.
So naturally it means that women take longer than men to get aroused. But once you heat the water up it can stay hot for a long time.
Also the more frequently you bring her erotic energy to the boil, the easier it will be to get her hot tomorrow.
Make sure that the woman is aroused before you touch her yoni.
I cannot emphasize enough how important it is; I say this in every single workshop that I teach.
If you touch the yoni too soon – she will contract, freeze and close up.
Tantra is the tradition that honors and worships the divine feminine. And we can recognise the divine feminine in all of life, and in women in particularly.
The shakti flows more naturally through someone who is deeply in touch with the feminine, which is often times women. And therefore when the woman is fully aroused, once her entire body is loved and worshipped, she will open her yoni, she will be fully orgasmic, and she will share the nectar of the depth of her being with her partner. When the entire system is activated women can access amazing arousal states and discover their deep erotic nature. Then the masculine partner will be able to ride her waves of pleasure and expand into the magnetic field of their union.
We need to understand that sex is not about his/her pleasure, it is about cultivating something that is beyond him or her, that is more than the sum of its parts… A field, that we can expand into together, and become infinitely vast.
So… the deeper he goes, the deeper she opens… it affects both.
Dear men, please don’t rush your woman into penetration.
It does take presence and patience from you. If you offer her and her arousal plenty of time, it will come back to you tenfold.
Dear women, please learn to listen to your body and communicate your needs.
By only going half way, by not honoring the degree of your openness, you are stealing from both of you. Because if you go into penetration before you are actually ready, neither you nor he will have the opportunity to experience the real depth of what sexuality is.
To sum up:
- Male sexual energy is like fire, it is ignited in the center (the penis) and after that spreads out.
- Female sexual energy is like water – it is collected from the edges, the limbs, from the heart and flows to the center (the vagina).
- If a woman’s heart is soft and open, her yoni will be soft and open. But none of those can be opened by force.
- The key to opening a woman’s heart is to make sure her whole body is loved and worshipped.
- The lingam (penis) can be touched without much foreplay. It is actually very nice to connect with the lingam first and then continue by spreading the pleasure and activating his chest, belly and limbs. This will facilitate full body orgasms for the man.
- The deeper a woman’s arousal and, therefore, orgasms are, the deeper a man’s orgasms are, and the more potential there is to enter into the infinite depth of the mystical union.
Art by: Ines Honfi