I was having my hair cut on the porch of a little house I was renting in Thailand. The hairdresser was my yoga teacher that month, we were chatting about life and love and all of a sudden she told me that she had consecrated her Life to God.
It brought tears to my eyes, I didn’t tell her anything afterwards and I didn’t hear anything else she said. I had just learnt the concept of consecration and I only thought about it in context of dedicating my actions to the Divine and releasing attachment from outcomes of my actions. But in that moment it hit me: my whole Life might be an offering.
During that time (circa 2010) I was experiencing incredible transformation. From an average city girl with very poor eating habits and low self esteem, my whole life was turning upside down. I was experiencing incredible states of Devotion. Devotion that was burning like fire within my heart and it was illuminating parts of me that I never dared to look at.
Everything in my life had just fallen apart and I was realising that I really had nothing to hold onto. Nothing but God.
Soon after that I was called to create a ceremony in which I consecrated my own Life to God. I asked God to move me, I prayed and I said that from that point on I didn’t want anything for my personal benefit alone and I was surrendering my whole Life into the arms of Divinity.
From that point on I knew that all events of my Life were only brining me closer and closer to God. Even the times when everything seemed to be going wrong… I knew it was all happening for me and that I was held in the embrace of Divinity at all times.
I learnt to trust Life. Like, really trust.
I found incredible courage, I was doing things way before I was “ready”. I became a spiritual teacher at age 24. I had huge experiences of consciousness that were sending my whole system into a total shut down. At one point I had to stay in bed for 3 weeks with a very high fever and hallucinations integrating the experiences of altered states of consciousness and spontaneous rising of kundalini.
Later while facilitating some of my first retreats I had to navigate very challenging situations with students when one year one woman was experiencing panic attacks and another, the following year – a whole psychotic episode in my space. (I hadn’t yet adopted a culture of checking in with people regarding their medical history at that time.) I don’t know where I found the clarity to navigate those situations, but I did, and I did well.
I had to navigate my own mistakes as a facilitator and the way I’ve lead myself through each of them turned them into gifts that helped me grow at exponential speed.
No matter what I’ve kept resting on the only thing that truly matters: Trust.
Unshakable Trust in God.
That’s the only reason that no matter how many times I’ve fallen, I’ve found my way to rise. Over and over again.
Another word for God is Love.
Surrendering my Life to Love was the greatest thing I’ve ever done.
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