Yet another flight, however for a moment I thought it was going to be the last one. I witnessed myself breathing deeper and thinking:
“If this is it…
I thank you life.
I have loved.
I am ready to go.”
And in case I go, I ask my loved ones to not make a big deal out of it: no big grieving, no big emotions.
If you have the desire: go into a 24 hr fasting and meditation phase, that would be wonderful and very supportive for the transition.
Death is not scary if you live all in.
My real life began with the death of my best friend in 2008.
Since then I have kept asking myself: if I knew I was going to die tomorrow, would I be doing what I am doing right now?
In moments when I’d hit the lowest points in my life and life made little sense, when everything fell away, the only reason that made any sense to be here was love.
To experience and live this enormous Love that touches me, moves me and breathes through me.
I can only truly live when I know that Love is my engine, my reason and motivation.
I am grateful for each moment, even the smallest one, when I’ve experienced the pure selfless love of another.
These moments will be forever engrained in my heart. These moments have opened huge doors in my soul.
I am grateful for all the times you’ve loved me when I couldn’t find anything to love about myself, when I felt ugly and was acting from my pain and shadow.
I’ve felt your love whenever you’ve reached out and said how much I’ve meant to you.
I’ve felt your love when you’ve cried and laughed with me, and we knew that there was no better thing on Earth than being with each other in that strange and simple moment.
I’ve felt your love when you listened to me when I felt like I was taking way too much time.
I’ve felt your love when you were simply next to me, wrapping me in your gentleness, hugging me during our rickshaw rides.
I’ve felt your love when you celebrated success together with me, when you held me through yet another little heartbreak by offering a few caring words, sharing your music, playing and offering your poetry to me.
I’ve felt your love through exquisite love making, through blasts of your passion, though feeling met at the bottom of my opening.
I’ve felt your love through your undivided presence, through your deep listening.
I’ve felt your love each time you’ve overcome yourself to do something that really mattered.
I’ve felt your love when I’ve felt my awe witnessing you in the effortless simplicity of you.
I’ve felt your love when you held me tight. I’ve felt your love when you’ve let me go because that was what love wanted.
There is no greater thing on Earth than love.
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Sundari Love Practices
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