September 17, 2020

Despite the decade of intensive spiritual and transformational work I’ve done, it’s only recently that I’ve realised the severity of trauma that I experienced and it’s impact on my whole life.⠀

I recently wrote about the *freeze*, which is a trauma response. It’s a survival strategy. In my own case – that’s how my system was coping with the intensity I was facing as a child. ⠀

Trauma experience is said to follow this pattern:⠀

Shock – trauma – history⠀

1. When someone is in shock they don’t realise that they are having a trauma response. That’s why if you are dealing with someone who is clearly having their wound stirred up but they just won’t admit it – chances are that they are hitting against a really severe trauma that is too intense for system to face.⠀
2. Then comes a moment when our system gets enough resilience to actually face the trauma. Then you can recognise your own trauma response. It can be tricky to move from here though, some people keep saying for years: “I am traumatised, that’s why…” Having a trauma is not an excuse to behave like an ass. Awareness of trauma means that you can work with it and change your patterns. ⠀

3. History – yes, there comes a moment when you look back and say: “I am now free from it”.⠀

Facing my trauma has been a big revelation for me.⠀

As I’ve come to understand the dynamics of trauma, I became much more compassionate, first of all towards myself. As well as towards people who due to lack of trauma awareness were pressuring me as I was experiencing a trauma response. ⠀

So, I’ve been healing this trauma and very successfully I must say. Largely I have to be grateful to:⠀
1. Myself because I’ve done enough work that opened up my capacity to face this trauma⠀
2. Lockdown – because I finally had time to even look at it (and reinvent my life too)⠀
3. My dear friend who just by the gift of her presence triggered the shit out of this trauma⠀
4. My beloved partner – for holding, seeing, accepting, loving and honouring all of me⠀

Now I do something that makes a WORLD of a difference.

Now I do something that makes a WORLD of a difference not only for my internal experience (gosh, what a relief – I had no idea), but also supports longterm harmony of all my interactions. ⠀

Sometimes longterm harmony is achieved through short-term disharmony.

Here’s what I do:⠀

1. I listen carefully to what I feel⠀
2. I express it as soon as I possibly can taking responsibility for my experience and not blame it on anyone else⠀
3. I don’t pretend to be not affected by something if in reality I am. Even if I am ashamed of being affected by this thing.⠀

It sounds very simple but it is not always that easy. Yet it makes a huge difference. In doing this I am repatterining my nervous system. Where I used to contract and shut down I now make an effort to open up. ⠀

I still get frozen from time to time, but at least I am aware that I am frozen and I hold myself in kindness. And when it is appropriate – I communicate this.⠀

Last but not least:⠀

Real health is about living from a resourced place and being free from tension. When you are free from tension you are open, your energy flows freely, your life rests on the background of joy and pleasure, no matter what happens around.⠀

Not only it is your birthright, it is in fact your natural state.

Liberate yourself

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