I’ve been reflecting on how different I am while in a relationship vs while single.
I am a split definition in Human Design, and as much as I dislike to categorise people using astrology and other systems, understanding this split thing helped me understand my personality.
[According to Human Design – a system of understanding personality, some people don’t have gaps in energy channels that connect their major energy centres, and hence their charts are referred to as single definition. Other people have a split, a double or even triple split. The people whose profile have the split (one or two) are more prone to becoming co-dependent in relationships. (Apparently, it’s totally different with triple split)]
I don’t think single definition people can ever understand this. But when you are a split… you feel more like yourself when you are with another, who bridges your split.
Like, the whole yoga is out of equation. The whole sovereignty. The whole non-attachment…
I feel more like me when I’m with you! Voila!
And that’s pretty fucked, I have to say.
Because when you’re not there… guess what happens…. all I can do is think of you.
Human Design says: that’s how you are, just accept this and relax.
Anyway, that’s the romantic story of my life (that’s if any of you thought I was a superwoman – as much as I’d like to be, I’m… not. I’m just as messed up as everyone else.)
I’m still refusing to fall victim to this (I was joking, I AM a superwoman!), and I constantly look for ways to hack the system.
Every now and then I succeed. Actually. (My students have to giggle here, I can hear you!)
It’s been my lifelong exploration: how to not get lost in love.
I‘ve developed lots of practices for that. We do heaps of them at the Priestess School. I’m going to speak on stage about these things too. But I’ll let you in on a secret.
The best way to not get lost in love is… to get lost in love!
Go in. All in. Offer your totality.
Do it as a spiritual practice.
Don’t get fooled by your mind into idealising the person in front of you.
The person is not perfect. But it’s not a reason to not open. Because by opening to this person you are in fact opening… to the Divine.
And that’s what hacks the system like nothing else.
To recognise the true nature of what’s going on.
The ultimate hack!
Even as a split definition, what I am really yearning for is being filled, but not by another person.
I am yearning to be filled by the Divine.
When this is clear in me, I no longer need to grasp for the other person’s energy, there is no more tension that comes from a need.
The need has become converted into the Longing.
And this Longing is so endlessly beautiful. The more you open to it, the more you melt into it… the more vast you become. And the less likely you are to get lost in a specific situation/person.
Because you are already lost.
And in that You are found.
Picture by @olga.klimova.art
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