June 10, 2016

Do you ever feel as if no man can handle you?

It is something that I hear a lot from women I work with.

I used to feel that way about myself too.

Sometimes as women we feel so emotional, so full of desire, so intense, so powerful… And when we share it, or give a little hint of what is going on inside of us… it sometimes intimidates others. They may tell us they are overwhelmed. They may even tell us that we are too much…

And then we might get into blaming ourselves: “I am too much. I should contain myself. I am embarrassing people. I am unkind”. Or – at the opposite extreme – blame men for being too weak, not shiva enough, not entered enough, not man enough…

And none of these is a correct attitude, believe me.

If you are blaming yourself – you are hurting yourself and suggesting that your power needs to be lessened, that you are shining too bright, that you need to be less of yourself.

If you are blaming men – you are basically castrating them. Because they so much want to be heroes for us.. And many (way too many) women hit them with blame and lack of appreciation – right where it hurts the most…


If you think that no man can handle you, I want to ask you: Can you handle yourself?

We all have both masculine and feminine polarities within ourselves. In tantra we call them shiva and shakti.

And what is within us, the relationship that exists between those inner polarities – this is what we manifest on the outside.

If your inner masculine is weak and timid, this is what you are going to attract in the outer world too.

If you cannot be present with your own intensity, with your own light, with your own power, with your own desire… you will automatically attract partners who are incapable of being with it.

We have to stop believing in the prince who is going to come and rescue us.

Darling, I am (not) sorry to say that: this prince does not exist outside of you.

Your inner shiva is that prince! You are absolutely capable of rescuing yourself. As with everything in life.

I know it because I tested it. I witnessed it. And I’ve come to owning it.

And also, no man or woman can satisfy us. No man or woman can give us pleasure.

It is time we stopped dwelling in this disempowering dream that happiness will come from the outside. It’s about time we developed our inner shiva.

Shiva is presence, our capacity to hold and be present with all of the ways that Shakti expresses.

Your inner shiva is the promise that you can be all that you are.

You inner shiva can be awake in the midst of the most terrifying storm… In the most magnificent organs… In the brightest expression of your light…  Your inner shiva is the promise that it’s safe to feel. You don’t have to diminish yourself. You are not going to hurt anyone with your anger or drown in your own tears.


With so much love for both your inner shiva and shakti.
I love all of who you are as I love all of who I am.
Sofia Sundari

Image by KGBWorks


Liberate yourself

Get your free ebook

Sundari Love Practices

5 Simple Tools To Deepen Intimacy

    *I appreciate your trust and promise not to spam.