December 15, 2013

What is sisterhood for you?

I want to speak about something that I as a woman found to be one of the most healing experiences.

I never had many girlfriends, I remember always saying that it’s difficult to be friends with women because they are so complicated and unpredictable… And I would always choose to hang out more with the guys – it felt easier. And it’s true actually. Men don’t tend to take things as personally as women do. If a woman says to a man: “you look great today”, he will take it exactly as she said it. But if a woman says the same thing to another woman it might mean a 101 thing depending on what look she has in her eyes, how she raises her eyebrows and all the little details – and the other woman will understand exactly what it means, even if it means: “you are ok but your butt is oversized and you better stop flirting with him”. Women are receptive beings because they are guided by the most receptive planet – the Moon. This is also the most feminine aspect which we as women should honor within ourselves.

Looking at my friendships I realize how much I was afraid of this feminine aspect I saw in other women, I was scared of their unpredictability, their changing nature…. Because I was not at peace with these qualities within myself. That is amusing and at the same time interesting because not liking them in other women means that I was not liking myself. We mirror each other, and if you don’t like the reflection, it means there are things to work on and heal within yourself.

Research shows that married men live longer than unmarried ones. But women live longer not if they are married, but if they have close female friends. Amazing, right? I believe it has to do with the nourishing aspect of femininity. And it’s so natural for us as women, we don’t really need to do anything for that, just being who we are and sharing this gift with each other is such a great and unique service. Because no matter whether or not you are satisfied with your relationship with men, it will never substitute the healing power of the relationships between girlfriends.

Because women are so perceptive they might create a drama easily, whether they express it or not; it’s normal to have tension when it comes to relationships between people. Actually if there is no tension at all it’s not a good sign. The opportunity for transformation lies wherever there is a charge or an emotional trigger. People tend to run away from  it seeing it as “complication”, but actually so much wisdom lies within moving toward it…

As we heal our relationship with other women we heal the relationship with ourselves… And vice versa: the more we love, understand and accept ourselves the easier it is to get along with other women.

Move toward the charged situation, not with the intention to re-live the past but to re-write it. Triggers can be viewed as great opportunities to transform. As we consciously make different choices than we did in the past, we literally transform our lives and the possibilities before us. Life is always presenting us with these opportunities.

If  you see something is not flowing between the two of you, be brave enough to address it. I can’t emphasise enough how powerful it is. The power of opening no matter what. Addressing it with all your integrity, and the authenticity of your feelings and respect for the other woman. If you adopt it as an attitude towards your life sometimes you will be surprised how willingly people will meet you in this place of opening. And sometimes they won’t. And this does not mean that transformation doesn’t happen. When the conflict is approached consciously and with radical self-honesty on your end, it doesn’t matter how the other woman responds.  The situation is empowering anyway because of the very act of speaking up; being honest and centered in the heart is an act of power and truth that can only reinforce the sense of worthiness and self-love.

Of course this is a great attitude to have to relationships not only with your girlfriends, but with all the people around you.

A time of big transformation for me was when I spent 6 days a week for 6 weeks with a whole bunch of other women during a teacher training session. I saw lots and lots of my own traits of myself in others, traits that I hated about myself and had avoided looking at for years. The hardest thing was not to project it on the outside, but look within. And learn to accept myself. It brought so much healing.

When women don’t accept themselves they tend to compete with other women. I see it as a masculine trait of women who don’t accept their femininity or some aspects of it.

Also when you want to empower yourself as a woman and heal your relationship with yourself and other women you can’t avoid looking  at your relationship with your mother. There most likely you will find lots of things that were never expressed, lots of resentments, judgements and maybe even pain of the very first separation that happened to you in this life – the moment of your birth. It is important to look at it, and to do some good amounts of conscious work on it.

Being sisters means having the courage to be honest and authentic with other women. Offer each other support, if you find yourself judging or competing with other women – address it, understanding that we are mirrors to each other, the beauty you see in other women is a reflection of your beauty, and the ugliness you see in them is a reflection of your ugliness. If you envy a woman, come to her and ask her to teach you about it.

By seeing the divine qualities in other women you are helping them grow and at the same time changing your level of consciousness.

Liberate yourself

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