One day I woke up and decided that I could not live like this anymore. If there was one thing that was clear – this was it.
I knew I couldn’t go back to my office job, I knew I couldn’t pretend that I liked my lawyer’s job anymore, I knew I couldn’t party until I became unconscious anymore, I knew I couldn’t keep having sex with random guys each time hoping that maybe this would be the one… I had done that and been there, and that path was too familiar to me. I couldn’t live the same life anymore. There was no such option.
And this was key for me – there was no option. I had to change.
I couldn’t bear the thought that in 5 years time I would be doing the same thing, still hoping for some miracle to happen; it felt like I was running around in circles. The same situation was repeating itself over and over again – only the people in it were changing. Although sometimes it would get particularly ridiculous when the same situation with the same people repeated itself a few times in a row.
Do you understand?…
Once I got some clarity on all of that I just couldn’t bear it anymore. I had to change.
I was sad. Like, really sad. I had no idea how on earth I could make money if not dying of boredom in the office practicing law. I had no idea where I should live, what I should do, who I should be… The only thing I knew was that I had to change.
And I changed. I left Moscow – some people who knew me from before offered me a job I could do online, eventually I ended up in Asia, did 5 tons of yoga and other kinds of work on myself. Now I move around the world, doing my tantric work: holding retreats in Bali, workshops and private sessions all over the place. I am going where I feel called to offer my work or where I am invited, where I have interesting projects, people I want to meet, courses I want to take.
Of course you may be wondering, and how is the financial part of things working out? Well in the beginning I had that question, but what I’ve come to realize and I cannot even doubt it anymore, it is a fact:
When I am living in accordance with my Spirit, when I am following my heart, the Universe takes care of me.
The support comes. The opportunities are there. We just need to open our eyes to see them.
Sounds like a fairy tale, right? That’s the feedback I get all the time.
But the truth is – if I did it, you also can do it.
In the beginning I didn’t know what I wanted from my life. But I had a massive aspiration and trust, and I really wanted to transform. And now it’s even better than I could have imagined. I’m still facing obstacles every now and then, sometimes collapsing. But I am allowing all that. Welcoming life, even welcoming the “collapses”.
Because I know that I am taken care of. And have always been.
I have a lot of vision on where my life is taking me. My life purpose is very clear. And with every step along the way I am becoming more and more myself.
Actually looking back, I cannot even say that it took a massive act of will to break out from my regular life at that time. Looking back I feel like
There was no other option.
I just really wanted to change, that’s all it takes.
And if you want it, you can have it too. Seriously.
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