About this time three years ago I was in a tiny dark ground floor apartment in Lisbon: I hadn’t eaten for a few days, I was dealing with an infection, I was purging a lot of guilt and grief that my breakup had brought to the surface, I hardly left the house, I was writing (my form of psychotherapy), listening to music and crying, a lot.
My life was exploding. Once again.
I had jumped off a cliff. I had no idea where or if I was going to land. I was hurting. I was scared.
Everything from the past had collapsed.
My inner little girl was terrified because there was no comfort in any area of my life. My heart was bleeding rivers. I had surrendered everything.
And I was sitting with all of that. Looking into the dark unknown. Doing my inner work.
Whatever your inner work is looking like right now trust this: it will pay off.
Maybe you are burning, like many are these days. Maybe you are facing really uncomfortable places inside of you. Maybe you are discovering truths that used to be in the shadows. Maybe you are finding out that you have been using your power to manipulate or seduce people. Maybe you are noticing that you have been avoiding conflict at all costs and your kindness is rooted in fear rather than love. Maybe you are seeing how much you have been impacted by the beliefs of society or those of your family. Maybe you have become aware of your unhealthy relationships with money and sex. Maybe you are observing the unhealthy patterns in your current or previous
relationship (and these can usually be sourced to your relationships with your parents…).
And maybe you are even daring to sit with it, breathe with it, find your ways of processing it and moving your energy.
Maybe you are loosening up the grip of shame, guilt and past trauma.
As long as you dare to get real about it all and don’t just brush it off, you are doing your inner work.
Trust this: it doesn’t have to always feel uncomfortable. In fact, it shouldn’t. Phases of inner work are important, but they should be that: phases.
Yet, these phases are crucial and they will pay off.
I know this because it has happened to me. Over the last 10 years I’ve spent a lot of time in prolonged intensive periods of inner work. Sometimes I would go so deep and so low, I questioned whether that darkness would ever pass…
When I look at my life now… it’s a very special place to be: there is a man of my dreams next to me, I live in a place that is absolutely perfect for me now, my health is better than it has ever been, my work is deeply satisfying and successful in terms of the impact it has in the world and in terms of its financial return. I feel stable, grounded, loved and joyful.
I’m amazed at the workings of Grace but at the same time I know that I have worked really really hard to get here.
If you want to get into a deeper place within you and become ready to shed layers that are hindering your own light from clearing your path, I have something for you.
If my work resonates with you, and you want to be guided by me – you are very welcome to join one (or both) of my schools: the Priestess School and the Tantra Mystery School.
Each school consists of several modules (5 and 8), set up so that you have time to integrate the work in between sessions and have the continuous support of your tribe as we keep coming back together.
Each reunion offers a space that takes you not just a step further, but at least ten steps deeper, because each time you are showing up from a deeper place of maturity.
So far it’s been really spectacular to witness the deepening that has happened in the students that really committed to the Work.
If you know that you are called to be a part of it, I’d love to have you in the Soul family.
Photo by Ashley Bata on Unsplash