Why you lose yourself in love

When you are on your own, you seem to be doing alright… But once a man shows up, you immediately forget your sense of self, your needs and your standards for yourself.

His mood becomes your mood.

When he is distant, you spiral.

When he is warm, you exhale.

Your entire inner world is being run by his state.

Without even noticing you have started calculating his value by what he can do for you. Not because you are shallow. Because you are hungry for something you haven’t yet given yourself.

You feel a “No” and then immediately explain it. Soften it. Take it half back. As if you don’t trust yourself enough to own what you feel.

Before you make a move you check in with your best friend. Your sister. Your therapist. Maybe all three. Because you don’t yet trust the voice that already knows.

You are still waiting for him to make you feel chosen. His text. His tone. His effort – or the absence of it – determines whether today is a good day or a bad one.

You have made this promise to yourself so many times. And broken it just as many. And likely stopped believing you will ever keep it.

You are extraordinary at becoming whoever makes everyone else most comfortable.

You have perfected the art of abandoning yourself so softly that no one even notices, including you.

You make yourself smaller. You call it being easy to love. But what you are really doing is making yourself easier to leave.

None of this is a character flaw. It is the absence of a mature inner masculine.

And it can be developed.

This is the work we’re dedicating our time to inside Sanctuary.