Deep Orgasms: What is stopping me?

To really know and embrace femininity, we want to experience the whole range of its aspects, feelings and sensations. Being able to have strong internal orgasms is one of the ways to experience and harness the depth of feminine sexual power.

These deeper, mysterious vaginal orgasms are the Orgasms. After having those you will never want to go back to the superficial clitoral ones.

Some people still doubt the existence of any other dimension of sexual pleasure for women apart from clitoral orgasm.

That is ridiculous, if you ask me.

When I’m saying the Orgasms, I mean the G-spot, A-spot, cervico-uterine, vaginal entrance, orgasms experienced in various chakras, multi-orgasms and full body orgasms.

The fact is – every woman is capable of having those.

And it’s not about some secret Tantric or Taoist technique.

I was not born multi-orgasmic.

Actually I was far from being orgasmic at all for a long time.

I was hoping that it would come with time, I was researching tips and tricks on the internet, asking for help on forums…

Nothing worked. Until I started doing a lot of work on myself, discovered tantra, taoism and the sacred sexuality, and learnt what I needed in order to trust and surrender to my partner.

And now look at me – I am educating women on how to orgasm.

So, let’s get down with this one – why are you still not experiencing those profound, at times earthshaking orgasms?

1) Perception.

Most women don’t feel and know much about their vaginas: “My vagina – city in China”. There is a disconnect.

And the vagina becomes numb. This may be through sexual or emotional trauma, or simply by virtue of growing up in our sexually repressed and oppressed culture – which is the case for most of us.

You have to bring your vagina back to life – wake her up.

And there are some great tools for that out there: vaginal massage, vaginal exercises, such as Dr. Kegel’s and Taoist practices with a jade egg.

But the first step and the very first thing I give my students for homework when we discuss orgasms is – take a mirror and have a look at her.

Yes just like that.

Look at your vagina, your pussy, your cunt, your yoni – whichever way you prefer to call her.

And not just a quick look, but make sure you spend some time getting to know each other.

Then you can touch her. Tuning into areas which are pleasurable, and those that are sore.

Stay away from judgement, introduce in an attitude of curiosity, as in when you meet a new and very interesting friend.

2) Control.

You are addicted to control and have a hard time letting go.

The huge factor that will lead far beyond what you thought you were capable of is the ability to open up, let go and surrender.

Sounds terrifying, I know.

But if you really want these life changing and awakening orgasms you have to do it. There is no other way.

You need to be willing to be there 100%, absolutely vulnerable, exposing your deepest self, absolutely surrendered.

Surrender is as unbelievably easy as it is incredibly difficult. Somewhere on the threshold between the two you can enter into a different state of you. And it’s all about trust, not in anything particular. Just general trust. Into something greater.

Drop deeper than you think you can, surrender more than you think you can.
And then a little bit more.

Surrender and opening our tender heart to our partner is especially important for women. Because women’s orgasms have a strong emotional component to them, and our heart has to be involved.

Thus, surrender is the name of the game.

Because there is a very special connection between surrender and the heart.

3) Trust.

If you keep having casual sex and one-night-stands and hope to have these deep vaginal orgasms, I will have to disappoint you.

These orgasms are less likely to appear in casual sex situations.

I don’t have any moral judgement when it comes to casual sex. Yet, when it comes to deep sex, deep connection and deep orgasms, casual sex becomes rather an obstacle to getting there. And believe me, I am talking from experience.

Also, if you have unresolved issues between you and your partner – this might make you feel blocked and unorgasmic.
There shouldn’t be anything that’s holding you back. If there is – resolve it first, then go to bed.

4) Length of the love making.

Most women can’t reach an orgasm in 10 minutes. Even in 20. A woman needs at least 30 minutes of love making to experience a really profound orgasm.

So orgasming becomes impossible if your intercourse stops with your partner’s ejaculation – statistics tell us that for an average guy it takes only 8.5 minutes.

These deeper orgasms involve stamina. Both from his and your side.

You need to build up the length of the lovemaking to at least 30-45 minutes. And then you can increase up to 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 hours… And more!

For that of course you both need to have very good vitality.

Some tips to build up vitality: eat well, stop doing diets for weight loss, take herbs that help with vitality, and work on grounding yourself.

5) Weak vagina.

This is the case for most women, especially those who’ve never done anything to strengthen the vaginal muscles.

A powerful vagina is a vagina that is flexible, toned and well-lubricated. You will have no difficulty separating out various groups of muscles inside her (yes, there are plenty of those); by squeezing her in a particular way you can help your partner to refrain from ejaculation, or bring more pleasure to both of you during intercourse. Your partner will love it.

Want some of that?

Sometimes weak and numb also comes together with dry and sore.

The recipe is: internal massage and Jade egg practices.

6) You think: “Maybe it’s not for me”.

Many women just wait and wait, hoping that one day they will orgasm. And it never happens. And then they start doubting whether they can orgasm at all. And then they lose hope.

Please don’t!

I have not seen one woman who put some will into working out these issues and was still unable to have an orgasm.

It is our birthright to have orgasms and all the pleasure in the world.

And it is for you.

If you have a story you want to share about your own orgasmic experience – feel free to share it in the comments or send it to me by e-mail. I’d love to know.

Photo by Katarina Baliova