Deepening into my own capacity to hold my heart

Oliver is coming back on Tuesday…

It feels like he left… an eternity ago!

What can I say… 49 days of no contact with my partner… is a very long time!

I am eagerly awaiting his return.

At the same time, there is so much vulnerability: I have known the man he was when he left… but I have no idea who’s going to come back…

He was not just away at a long distance… he was gone into deep meditation. And it felt like… his energy was nowhere to be found.

At times this separation made me ache so much I struggled to not close my heart to feel a little less…

At times I had to look at a picture of him to remember how he looked. But that didn’t quite do it – I sense that his Soul might have a different energetic signature by now.

At times it brought up certain childhood patterns, things I would do when I felt too overwhelmed to hold myself in my softness…

At times it felt amazing to be by myself and remember the parts of me that I’ve been conditioned to give away “because I’m in relationship”.

But mostly… I’ve been deepening into my own capacity to hold my heart, in all its tenderness and sadness as well as in all its rapture, awe and joy.
No matter what.

And now… my Warrior is coming back.

This love is such a gift.