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Sometimes I feel so much love in my heart I wonder how to live like this.
This love seems to have cooked long enough and now daily I find myself in tears overwhelmed by what I see and memories that arise.
Lifetimes upon lifetimes of making the same very vow: to surrender everything of myself, to do everything I possibly can to help humanity remember our Divine essence – our Oneness with all that is, merge with Totality of the fabric of reality and delight in the Fields of Peace.
Until every last human being, every last flower, every last molecule remembers… I’m not going anywhere.
How can I have any other desire?..
If any other desire arises it is simply based on helping me become more of me, merge with the Eternal Beloved even more fully so that I can continue serving That.
“And how to live like that?..” – I ask. With this depth of purity. In this transparency. In this vastness… How do I live like that?
“You show us”. – The response I hear in my heart.
Oh my fcking God.
Me?
Me.
It always boils down to this one.
And so, retreating to my wounded “I’m small and slow and I need someone who knows better than me” doesn’t seem to be an option in this case.
Just like waiting for a “papa” to save me from my demons – also doesn’t fit.
Just like being a little cold and distant, guarding the love that’s burning in my heart for the fear of being attacked and raped…
Just like exhausting myself by working in order not to feel…
All these patterns are outlived, yet the little grip still at times desires some attention.
Or maybe it is done now?..
Maybe it’s only a matter of every single piece of me making this choice. To claim that it is time to live my greatest destiny. To come out of the holding pattern. To land, fully, without any reservation.
I know it is. It is.
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