When I was 19 I broke up with my boyfriend over an online messenger.
For over a month I was moving away from him, deep down knowing that I was over him but hoping that he would just get it and I wouldn’t need to explain anything. I just wanted him to let me go and release me from all ties.
So I was becoming more and more cold. He was becoming more and more confused.
When I broke up he was in so much pain. And I was happy I could do whatever I wanted. It crushed him so deeply.
But somehow many years later even to this day I feel his kindness and warmth.
Ghosting is a cowardly strategy to avoid confrontation. It’s not easy to tell someone in their face that you are over them. You know that the person will be in pain, and you don’t want to cause pain. Yet, you can’t escape that, because we all have to disappoint people from time to time.
It takes some courage to be direct.
If we don’t have the courage we start avoiding.
In fact, this avoidance hurts more than the direct confrontation.
Let’s get honest here: are you ghosting someone in your life? A lover, a friend, a co-worker or maybe even a parent?
What would it take to reach out and say with clarity what is going on?
What would it take to clear any unspoken truth in the situation between you?
Sometimes you might be not sure yourself what is going on, then you can say: “Hey, I know I’ve been not very available lately, I’m sorry if it was confusing for you. Something is changing inside of me right now, I don’t exactly know what, but I will reach out within the next two weeks and share more”.
Offering honesty is an act of kindness. Although it might hurt them and they may even get upset or angry at first.
Once the storm cools off, I guarantee they will appreciate the clarity.