“I really want a deep relationship, but I’m so scared.
Once we start going deeper, I pull away and reject the woman, all because I’m so f*cking scared that I will open my heart to her, and then she will leave me.
At the same time, I want it more than anything.
I want to relate, I want depth, I want connection. But I’m terrified of it all at the same time.”
His words hit me to my core.
I knew exactly what he meant.
I was crying. He was crying too.
We all need to feel safe in order to open our hearts.
We all have small or big wounds in our lives which when re-activated make us feel unsafe, and we respond in one of three ways: we fight, we withdraw or we freeze.
What is a safe space? It is space where you feel accepted as you are. Where your nervous system is relaxed. Where you feel free to feel and open your heart.
First and foremost: we need to feel safe in our own skin. If we don’t, no partner, even the most enlightened one, will ever help us feel that way.
And next… feeling safe to express emotions.
Most men didn’t grow up knowing how to feel. “Boys don’t cry.” And in relationships, they usually won’t open their hearts until they can really feel safe with their partner.
Daring to let each other in… is a continuos journey of cultivating TRUST.
So how do we do that?
🤍The woman gets to heal old wounds, unguard her heart, feel her feelings, own the responsibility for her feelings, and express what she feels — this in turn makes it safe for her partner to open to her.
🖤The man gets to heal old wounds, deeper anchor in his integrity, while empowering his staying power and vulnerability – this makes it safe for her to trust you and share more of her nectar.
(Note: this recommendation may well be reversed.)
A tremendous healing happens for both through the work of erotic embodiment paired with the work on the psyche (which includes inner space mending and subconscious reprogramming). Because that’s where we go to the core of the core… and you have no place to hide from yourself.
It is possible for everyone to rest in a Divine Union within and in the relating… that’s when the heart has nothing left to do but open wide and heal us all. ☤
Get your free ebook
Sundari Love Practices
5 Simple Tools To Deepen Intimacy