Inner man and his maturity (or lack of thereof)

Since I posted about all my kick ass projects, I have received some feedback.

Many people expressed admiration.

And a few real honest ones expressed… intimidation.

A man friend said: “I would never come close to someone like you. You are too challenging. Because my Masculine will never be as strong as yours.”

It’s no news that some people feel intimidated by women-leaders. And leaders in general.

Integration of the inner masculine and feminine is a big part of practice for people that are interested in personal growth. Some people are allergic to the terms Masculine and Feminine because they associate those with gender.

It’s not the case for me because I like to experience a part of me as a man, and a part – as a woman. This separation is used extensively in psychology and personal development work, and its useful to separate out various parts of our consciousness to have a closer look at the parts within, and discover where we become opaque, where we are stuck in immature patterns.

The Masculine and Feminine can be replaced by a number of other terms, according to the context: the mind and the heart, direction and flow, domination and surrender, sharpness and softness, fixed and changeable, linear and cyclical, structure and chaos, consciousness and energy, death and life, etc. etc. etc. etc.

There is only one reason for being intimidated: the inner Masculine gets swayed.

Which means that he is not fully anchored in the deep Masculine – not yet mature.

Let’s take a look.

We will only be repelled/intimidated by a woman in her emotional and erotic aliveness if the Masculine part of this woman is immature.

Meaning if she’s all over the place with her emotions and uncontrollable sexual energy, it means she is not able to show up for herself: her inner man is absent. Unconsciously she will be looking for someone to give her that which she can’t give herself – she will be looking for an agent of her stability, grounding and even happiness.

It’s a questionable enterprise to be the source of someone’s happiness…

Hence she’ll also attract men who get overwhelmed by all this and are either not available emotionally at all or are available for only a short-term contact. Because no one wants to be the source of your happiness or stability! Too big a burden.

Alternatively, if she’s fully alive and radiant, although she can show up for herself (because her inner man is there for her), she won’t intimidate others, because she’s not throwing off her energy all over the place.

At the same time, her boundaries will be very clear (and she won’t even need to express them out loud), and only those who can match her frequency will be able to approach her.

That’s a characteristic of the Priestess state by the way.

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Case study: 10 years ago, yours truly couldn’t get angry, was disconnected from my power and my true authentic expression. I couldn’t orgasm.

(Now I educate others and publish books on how to do all that).

Later I was a wife and held myself together like a good wife. (To my standards ).

Our separation coincided with my exploration of the Wild Woman archetype. I gave so much space to my Wild Woman, I was very expressive and this was ecstatic to give myself permission to take as much space as I wanted and it also repelled… quite a lot of people.

Later I had to apologise for crossing people’s boundaries and for how out of presence I had been on many occasions.

However, I don’t regret a second of it, because those phases of Wild Woman liberated so much energy within me… if I hadn’t done that, much of my creative potential would still be trapped in trying to be proper and conforming.

Another way the immature Masculine may show up:

When someone feels someone’s drive, success and leadership qualities, it may trigger feelings of competition. And if they feel they don’t measure up, they’ll feel defeated.

But here’s an important point:

It’s the immature Masculine in us that is intimidated by power.

Immature Masculine needs to fix. Improve. Rescue.

From here we look at power as a thing. Another thing to do/accomplish.

When we mature in our Masculine (and it’s a constant process), we release the need to fix things. We shift our attitude towards true purpose.

True Purpose is not a thing to accomplish.

As our Masculine matures, we become bigger. We embody pure presence, and in that we recognise that really deep pure Presence is our greatest gift and Purpose.

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Now another case study:

My Feminine is naturally stronger than my Masculine. I have an overflow of creative energy, I am a poet, romantic and dreamer. I have a huge amount of energy running through my body, the way I naturally know how to receive my lover is a feminine healing superpower, my orgasmic energy is very developed, my emotional life is very rich, and my mystical experiences are wild.

My Masculine is the part of me that I have been growing into over the last years.

In the past I was attracting men who were more anchored in their Feminine – deeply in tune with their feelings, incredibly receptive, flowy… At that time my own Masculine was very weak, so to top my inner man I didn’t need a very masculine man. Hence – I was not attracting those.

But since I stepped into my leadership (in this language – my Masculine became more empowered), I’ve been attracting only very masculine men. Because only people whose Masculine is strong won’t be intimidated by my achievements and commitment to purpose.

Expressing vulnerability is generally a challenge for these men. Which is a clear sign that the Feminine within them is less developed.

All in all, it’s a beautiful dance.

The goal of yoga is to come to a total balance of Masculine and Feminine within us. That’s what makes us actually attain Yoga or Union.

Sometimes my students ask: “but if I’m complete inside, why would I even need anyone?”

The answer is:

“from a place of total sovereignty and completeness you don’t NEED anyone. But you may WANT to be with someone because that makes life bright and it’s beautiful to share.”

Besides that, if both people in a relationship have both polarities developed, the relationship will never be boring, as there are not just 2, but 4 beings that are relating!

And it becomes very fun, unconventional and real.

Remember this: whatever we attract on the outside is an exact perfect reflection of what’s on the inside.

I know you must have heard this before and maybe you hate to hear that.

However, here’s the thing:

Once you really understand this, you get your power back.

Because you understand that you are the creator. If you don’t like something in your life – you can totally shift that.

If you see that you keep attracting people who need your direction and guidance, it’s likely that you are mostly operating in your Masculine and it could be very beneficial to develop your Feminine.

If you keep attracting people who are overly caring and controlling, you may need to offer some nourishment to your Masculine side as it is being overridden by your Feminine.

If you feel off center and generally imbalanced – work on your Masculine.

If you hardly feel anything and have a hard time accessing your vulnerability – work on your Feminine.

Recently I gave my very masculine student an assignment to take flower baths every night and cover himself in delicious oils. His feminine responded with a gentle blush.

You are a magician. It’s all within you.

Photo credit: Jodie DS