You are not alone. I have experienced this, too.
Here is my story of how I came out of this feeling, and into my heart, my joy, and my highest self…
I had tension in the back of my heart my.whole.life.
I saw it in my energy field, my massage therapist told me about it, and it created a life-long pain in my neck…
It felt like a heavyweight was attached to it… possibly beyond just this one lifetime. This heart pain held the flavour of misery, shame, guilt and immense dissatisfaction.
I thought the tension and heaviness would always be there.
But now… it’s gone.
A light and sparkly space has replaced it.
This didn’t happen in a blink. It didn’t happen overnight. But everything added up and this week, I broke through more than ever before.
And the amazing thing is, when this ancient heart tension went away, I wasn’t even trying to heal it specifically. I was just focused on doing what I could to become a more loving and compassionate human.
So how did this ancient pain finally release?
Since 2010, I had multiple big states of God realization during meditation and lovemaking. I had multiple ego deaths. I did hard core spiritual practices. I did multiple long meditation retreats — the longest of those lasted 8 months.
It took all that to build resilience for me to be able to look directly at my trauma, in 2020.
I was already a teacher — I was known all over the planet. I guided a lot of people. I channeled and passed on incredible wisdom. Many people had found themselves through my work.
And… my unhealed trauma also caused confusion and pain in me.
Many times during my multiple emotional breakdowns and burn outs, I thought it was not going to get better.
But time and time again, it did.
And now… looking back at it all… feeling a whole new level of freedom in my heart, the wings behind my back, and my feet firmly on the ground… I have to say: it was all worth it.
I feel more “me” than I’ve ever felt.
I always did the best I could. But today my best is at the next level… and my worst is not as bad as it used to be.
I know many of you have witnessed my transformation over the years. And I know you see and feel me.
I am so grateful.
Beyond everything, I am grateful for my beloved partner Oliver, whose love made this journey so much lighter.
And my incredible therapist Prema McKeever who has held my hand as I’ve been facing the darkest caverns within me.
I am so blessed.
You can listen to the interview with my therapist Prema McKeever in this episode of my Boundless Love Podcast, talking about developmental trauma.
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The Key to the Feminine Mystery
A Practical Guide for Men who Rise