Please Forgive

Guilt.
What do we know about it?
Guilt of someone who could not fulfil a promise made to a little child… Guilt of that one person who survived in an airplane crush… Guilt of someone who pressed the emergency button in the train recently in Munich causing 5 deaths and injuries to a number of people… Guilt of a person who survived a car accident while he was driving, but his son did not… Guilt of someone who witnessed all her children, sisters and lovers being stoned and burnt on fires…
Excruciating guilt.
Yet another attempt to get to the bottom of it…
Panic. Fear of losing my mind.
Pain.
Darkness.
Hitting rock bottom.
But what is underneath?
What happens when *all* of that is felt?

Alternative medicine fascinates me.

About 7 years ago I was given homeopathic pills to get angry.
Now I have that shit handled. Apparently.

Instead I was given certain drops… to get over my guilt.

So what’s at the bottom of that fear of hurting people, of that guilt after all?..

Panic.

What’s deeper than the panic?..

Rawness.
Emptiness.
Death.

What’s deeper than the fear of death?

Eternal life.

Love.
What is love?

Love… is all I ever truly wanted.

I love you.

I am so sorry.
Please forgive me.

I forgive you.
I let you go.