People tend to think that in order to feel pleasure we must create sensation through stimulation.

Stimulation may vary: from playing with feathers to very rough handling of the genitals, watching porn and fantasising.

I don’t recommend watching porn and using intense stimulation of the genitals, I don’t recommend vibrators to anyone. What all these things do with time is desensitise us.

Otherwise, sensation play is a wonderful thing, you can explore different forms of touch, the response of your senses to various types of stimulation, yet there is another way to be aroused.


Relaxed arousal implies returning to our innate eroticism, relaxing the body AND the mind, and

experiencing the body as naturally erotic. In my book Liberation into Orgasm I keep repeating

that orgasm would be our natural state if we were not blocking it.

You can be in a state of relaxed arousal when you are by yourself and are simply open to your body’s natural ways of moving, breathing and sounding.

You can also be in it together with a partner. This is absolutely delicious!

The key to being in the state of relaxed arousal is REALLY dropping even the slightest agenda of

how you want things to be. You need to even let go of the need to make things happen or make it


For relaxed arousal to happen you need to be willing to surrender to the unknown. Be willing to

trust the innate wisdom of your body, and focus on only relaxing and… listening.

In fact, not knowing is challenging. Because not knowing, not following the thing that worked in
the past and that made you or your lover go crazy… throws you into silence. And being one on

one with your silence is THE most confronting thing.

Activities, endless conversations, rushing from one place to the other, even our constant thoughts – all designed to avoid the unbearable silence.

But what if we let it all drop?…


Art by @milkformycoconut

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