Sex & Shame

Someone is translating my entire website into Russian (great news, hey!), and something struck me as I was reading through my own article on ejaculation.

I am a tantra teacher and speaking and writing about sexuality is part of my day-to-day life, sometimes I also end up demonstrating very sexual things. I’m very comfortable with it. Actually I remember speaking about my sexual experiences very openly even before I first discovered it as something sacred. I’ve been that girl who embarrasses everyone with unexpected dirty jokes.

And yet, reading my own words on the subject of sexuality in Russian, which is my native language, I felt kind of funny. Kind of shameful.

Shameful?

I was struck.

So I paused there, and took some time to tune in.

Where is this shame coming from? Why I don’t feel it when I’m writing or speaking in English? Is there a certain buffer being created when expressing myself in a foreign language? Is it just specifics of Russian language that make things sound more intense than in English? Do words in my own language hit deeper, right into my unconscious mind?

Indeed.

The Russian words hit me deep. They hit right where all the programming that I picked up as a child and adolescent is stored. And a lot of it was sucked in together with my mother’s milk.

It’s not about specifics of the Russian language, rather the subtle places I tap into when I think/speak/listen/read in Russian. I automatically hook into something of the culture that I grew up in. And children are like sponges, they just absorb whatever is around them. Since I grew up in Russia all the morals and concepts about sex entered into my conscious and subconscious minds in Russian. And now reading my own words in my native language something that usually wouldn’t provoke any strong reaction, makes me feel ashamed.

And what are the concepts and morals that we grow up with in regards to sexuality? What are the beliefs ingrained in society?

First of all – “sex is shameful”.

It is something that cannot be discussed openly. It is something that’s done behind closed doors and curtains, preferably with your eyes closed and as quick as possible. Afterwards by all means take a shower to rinse off some of that sin. And if your children ask about it (god forbid) give them as vague an answer as possible, so hopefully they will lose interest and forget about all these dirty perverse things altogether.

At the same time, 80% of sex happens in people’s imagination. This is statistically proven.

80%, can you imagine?

Imagine how much more radiance there would be in this world if we allowed all that sexual energy to flow, rather than keep it stagnant in our pelvis and have all the juicy action in our minds alone?

I don’t think there is one other subject that has more shame around it than sex.

And since it is such a fundamental aspect of our lives, this very shame affects all other arenas of this human existence.

~ Our sexual energy is our shakti, it fuels our creativity, our wellbeing, our happiness. ~

I’m not intending to come up with a radical solution that will heal humanity from shame once and for all.

But I know that each of us is responsible for this. Each of us can take steps to come to peace with our own sexual nature, our desires and fantasies. Each of us can start to own our erotic longings and disentangle from the societal taboos and stereotypes of what it means to be decent.

This choice is profound. And it’s up to us to do the work.

Sometimes you may witness new layers of shame coming up. It is a process that I’ve been witnessing within myself. But this shame is not sticky anymore. It doesn’t stay. Whenever it comes up I recognise it, I feel into it, I move this energy and it goes. I’m no longer identified with it. And it’s very liberating.

Once we refuse to cage ourselves inside limiting concepts, a very big space within us opens up and allows incredible light to shine through.

This light touches everyone around us.

This light is healing this world.

Art by Josh Casserino