For as long as I can remember myself, relationships have always been my “thing”. Ever since I was five years old, my Barbies were getting married and having sex; I watched soap opera with my grandmother and my favourite stuff was always about relationships; my first kiss happened when I was 7 (real kiss, just like in the movies!) … I was always dreaming about “the one”, my king, my everything… When I got older I kept having relationships, and placing them above everything, above friendship, above studies.
I have always fallen in love intensely and obsessively, a few times I even fell in love during silent meditation retreats.
I’ve had some incredible relationships, some really short and pretty meaning-free in my early 20-s, some deep, life-changing and powerful. I went through a few deadly painful breakups too… What I am realising beyond all of that, is that all along all I ever have been really yearning for… is to merge completely with my eternal Beloved.
Which is in fact not separate from my Self.
External relationships can sometimes remind us of that for a moment… Sometimes we can have a glimpse of our eternal Beloved in the eyes of the person that we love deeply… yet no matter how deep our human relationships are and how magnificent our beloveds may be, they will never be able to substitute that which we are really yearning for, that which is the very first desire of a human being, that which is the source of all desires: the desire to be one with God.
My eternal Beloved, each pore of my skin, each inch of my soul is calling you in, inviting you, desiring you, loving you. Each step that I make upon this Earth is an offering to You.
Each breath that I take is dedicated to you.
May I merge completely and endlessly with You. May I lose any sense of my identity in You. May I forget forever the illusion of being separate from You.
Photo by @katyarada
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