Truth is the best aphrodisiac. Are you ready to evoke it?
Approach your partner and say:
“My love, I have something vulnerable to share, when is a good time?”
At the designated time start by creating a container by agreeing on your sharing format. You can do so by reading the following lines together.
I suggest taking your timer and timing 10 or 15 minutes. During that time only (ONLY ONE, this is very important) of you will be speaking, and the other one will be sitting in silence and listening with full attention to what the partner is saying.
When you are sharing – let your heart speak.
Make sure it doesn’t come across as blame or judgement (this will close off your partner). Only share your experiences and feelings. What you really need is to be heard.
This is what will clear the old grudges. But if you start attacking your partner or implying that they did something wrong, it will bevery hard for them to hear you.
Once you are done, take a deep breath together and close your eyes for a moment. Feel the effect of this sharing. Then switch roles, the other partner has a go.
P.S. If you didn’t manage to avoid blame and judgement – apologise. And come back to this practice at a later time.
P.P.S. In case your partner is not available for such a practice, you can do it without their physical presence. Imagine that your partner is sitting in front of you and enter into conversation with their soul in the same format like I shared in the previous lines.
If your body is not willing to open to lovemaking it is giving you a signal that you should not ignore.
Lack of sex is always just a symptom, not the root cause.
One of the most common root causes is unresolved issues with your partner.
If in the space between you there is anything that is unresolved, unaddressed, unacknowledged…
If you are holding onto something that happened between you and your partner, something that hurt you and you didn’t express or didn’t feel heard in… there will be a tight spot in your heart.
It just won’t let your body fully open.
That will impact your desire, and rightfully so. ⠀
You have to have that honest conversation.
You have to address that pain.
By hiding you are withholding your heart.
You are also likely to have unresolved issues from your childhood which will FOR SURE be activated in an intimate relationship.
For women who were sexually abused there likely will be a deep mistrust in men as such. It may also be the case if her mother or even grandmother was abused. Issues may run deep and may need work and inner space mending.
These issues create knots in our hearts.
It is possible and important to undo these knots. In fact it is a holy work of love.
I am not saying any of this lightly.
This is an invitation to go deep.
Yes, it may bring up stuff that you would rather not see.
But, my darling, you know you didn’t come here to live a mediocre life.
Deep down you know that as long as you are withholding your truth, you are living only in part, not fully.
It’s ok if you are not ready for it now, you may need to first build more resilience before addressing some things. Receiving support of a mentor who can go deeper with you could be a powerful choice. I often do this with my clients.
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