I used to consider myself a very jealous person. I also had a lot of shame about it. Wherever I would show up with my partner I would check out all the women and mark some of them with a thought of “danger”. I was constantly comparing myself to other women. And immediately finding all the ways in which they were better than me.
Gosh, even remembering this is painful!
It was my reality for many, many years.
Now I don’t consider myself a particularly jealous person. If I see a beautiful woman in a space, I have an appreciation for a sister who is not scared to shine.
So what changed? How did I go from being totally insecure about pretty much all aspects of myself (appearance, intellect, social skills…) to feeling so cool around beautiful and powerful women?
Well, a few things happened:
1. I developed a deeper trust in the feminine (I have a whole article dedicated to it).
2. I got very honest about my jealousy and insecurities and actually started openly sharing about
them when they arose.
3. My self-worth increased dramatically through the inner work I was doing.
And perhaps the most powerful one:
4. I allowed myself to feel sexual attraction for women. Yep.Jealousy is usually rooted in a belief that we are excluded from a potential scenario. Like, if my guy falls for another woman and ends up getting intimate with her, there is no place for me.
Which doesn’t have to be the case, unless I exclude myself from it.
Once I allowed myself to feel my attraction for women and be comfortable in my bisexuality, women stopped being a threat. I started enjoying beautiful women as much as I’ve always enjoyed beautiful men. Also, I totally understand my man if he can’t take his eyes off of a beautiful woman. Usually neither can I. 🙂 I have witnessed within myself and within many other people that once we’ve dealt with a major part of our sexual shame, deep down we all are bisexual. We might still have a preference, yet the thought of being erotic with a person of the same sex doesn’t feel shocking anymore.
Art by @tinamariaelena
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