June 21, 2015

No one wants to be lonely, unfulfilled, empty and sad.

We want to find love.

So we keep working to get our relationships right.

The interest in all things relationships is very high. My relationship articles are some of the most popular ones (besides the jade egg one).

As women we often feel like we need to do something to attract and keep that perfect partner, we need to change ourselves, and maybe do some things which don’t really feel authentic, but “well, so what, now I will do this for him, but then he will love me, and he will notice me and we will be happy ever after”.

There are lots of self-help books with titles like “How to get married” or “How to be a perfect wife”… And this stuff sells really well.

The advice is usually along the lines of: do whatever he wants, praise him for all the great things he does for you, be a nice woman, think about him a lot, try to predict what he would like, accept him no matter what he does…

But some of us have never bought these self-help books and yet we all either have heard that advice, or picked it up elsewhere.

One thing is certain: if a woman is spending time with a man trying to serve him as a way of keeping him, this whole thing won’t last. He will leave, and soon. Even if the girl has a pretty face. That pretty face will become more and more bitter if she keeps playing that game.

This type of serving is first of all a way to hide ourselves. We won’t express what we really feel, what’s hurting us, we will swallow things, stay polite.

Often it is deeply ingrained, and perhaps even reading this you won’t recognise yourself. But God I wish someone had pointed it out to me in my early twenties.

I also like to call it “the nice girl syndrome”.

The nice girl thinks that she really cares about others, she is always polite, she will never speak up, will never express how she really feels…

Most often she doesn’t even know herself neither what she wants nor how she feels… For many of us it is a result of years and years of suppression. And the bottom line is that all these seemingly nice things are done not out of care, but out of a desire to receive approval.

Second issue with this kind of serving is that very often it comes from a place of deep unworthiness that women carry. It is something that I observe again and again. For thousands of years we have been told that our femininity is shameful. Thousands of years of repressed femininity in our culture does leave an imprint on all of us. Even these days in some families having baby girls and not boys is considered a curse. On top of this many women have accumulated negative beliefs about femininity throughout life.

And as if it were not enough: often we are unconsciously punishing ourselves because we believe that that’s what we deserve.

We may push ourselves into hurtful places, or sacrifice our happiness because deep down we feel guilty.

It is so so important to cultivate self love, gentleness, nourish ourselves and just enjoy our life!

Sometimes it is worthy to change every fucking thing that society (even if it is a spiritual one) tells you “it is good for you” and completely change your life to be in touch with that joy of being.

If we choose love, if we choose to honour our heart and our soul, we break out of conditioning of our minds and we become free. And not later on, but Now.

You need to know that you deserve to be loved fully, to have a man that treats you like a queen, and everything else that you may wish for.

I know that I serve my man best when I don’t emasculate him by mothering him, or telling him what to do or blaming him for what I think he doesn’t do, when I  support and encourage him when I feel he is following his purpose, but most importantly – when I really enjoy myself and I have a lot of clarity about what I want. And when he sees how happy it makes me, he is really happy to help me get there.

You will be surprised, I promise you, how willing your partner will be once you start sharing with him what you really want. Men love supporting our joy. It’s just that in most cases they don’t know how.

You are not serving your man by suppressing your feelings and being a nice girl, pretending you are fine no matter what. You are serving him if you are following your heart, enjoying your life and loving yourself.

Once I understood this I broke out of the pattern of my relationships that was repeating itself again and again.

We need to ask ourselves daily: what do I want? What does my heart really desire?

We need to be clear on this. If we are not clear ourselves, we cannot expect the world to give it to us.

This is a big part of being an empowered woman.

To own your life. Take responsibility for it. Because no one else will. Not even the perfect partner.

Only you can make it work. Only you can make your life magic.

Women who enjoy themselves are the light of this world.

Not only men want to be near such women, but it is a medicine for everyone who gets to be in the presence of a truly happy woman.

Liberate yourself

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